Everybody Hurts
by littlegirlintheshadows
Summary: The almighty Genjyo Sanzo crumbles... I wonder why....


Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Saiyuki. Ü

Warning: If you don't want to see a more human side to Sanzo, then probably this isn't for you… But still read it because you might like it. Ü Nothing offensive, just a kiss or two. Ü

**Everybody Hurts 1**

Genjyo Sanzo, master of the Maiten Tenjou, unpronounced leader of the group, was holding back the tears. His purple eyes, once passionate with anger or fury, were blurry and unseeing. Son Goku, the young brunet, was lying in Hakkai's arms, bloody and wounded. Goku had shielded him from a rain of arrows during an ambush as they headed for the next town. Goku, of course, had expected this due to the consistent threats to Sanzo's life.

"I'll leave you with him while Gojyo and I look for a stall that sells bandages," Hakkai said slowly. Sanzo nodded and pulled a chair beside the bed. His eyes still hooded by the blonde locks. Hakkai looked at him, knowing that inside, the priest was being torn up in two.

"He'll be fine Sanzo," he said slowly. "Just let him know there's a reason to be fine."

"And how, do you suggest, should I do that?" Sanzo snapped, forming that shield around him when ever he was about to show emotion. Hakkai placed a hand on his shoulder and patted it.

"I'm sure you'll figure out a way," he said and made for the door. "If Goku wakes up, there are some bandages there for him. Make sure that the wounds don't open up." Hakkai didn't wait for Sanzo's response, fully knowing that the monk understood him.

As soon as the door closed behind Hakkai, Sanzo pulled out a cigarette and started to smoke. The pain of almost losing Goku was unbearable. And finally, knowing that no one could see him nor hear him, the walls that guarded Genjyo Sanzo's heart gave way. They gave way to the poor sight of the boy that saved him…again.

"Sanzo, you're okay," Goku had said with a weak smile as Sanzo cradled him in his arms, arrows sticking out of his body like needles. Goku reached out and brushed a lock of hair from his eyes before finally succumbing to the pain. Sanzo had been alarmed, no frightened, at the sudden loss of consciousness. He panicked when Goku became still in his arms except for the shallow breathing that came from his lips.

"Goku," he snapped, trying to command the boy to wake up. But the brunet hadn't opened his eyes. Sanzo felt powerless and he gave Goku to some one who could help. He stood there over Hakkai, useless and ashamed for not being able to do anything.

"You've always been stupid, Goku," Sanzo said to the sleeping boy. "Thinking that dying would make me like you. You're not just stupid, you're insane. Gods, you're crazier that Gojyo when it comes to Hakkai."

Sanzo choked out a sob making it sound like a cough. His hands instinctively went to his eyes, to wipe any tears that could carelessly spill out. The walls that for years he had built around him was slowly crumbling down. His heart that he froze into stone was melting and beating once again. And for once, he was slowly becoming human.

"I want you around, Goku, even when you're so goddamn annoying," Sanzo said slowly. "Even when you and that stupid cockroach fights incessantly over the stupidest things. Gods, Goku, I need you to keep me sane."

_I love you damn it…._

"You're innocence, you're sweetness, you're happiness, it keeps me from going mad from all this killing and dying," Sanzo continued. "I've always wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, but I was afraid. I was afraid that if I did, I'd lose you, the way I always lost some I cared for."

_I loved you the moment I saw you…_

"I just hope that this time, it isn't too late," he said slowly. He heaved a sigh and reached out to take a limp hand in his. The fingers were cold and the pulse that pumped blood was weak but a good sign that the boy was alive.

"Don't die, Goku," he whispered. "If you'd just come back to me, I promise…"

_Don't leave me Goku…_

"…I promise, I won't hit you as hard with the harisen as I used to do," Sanzo whispered, a tear slipping down his cheek, falling on the pale hand.

"… and I promise, that when you eat you can have my share," he added as another tear followed.

_Gods, I'll promise you anything and try to give it to you if you'll just come back…_

"… Just don't give up on life Goku."

_We still have so many things to do, to discover, to begin with each other…_

"I love you," Sanzo whispered against the cold fingers that touched his bruised lips. And he stayed that way, feeling that warmth slowly go back to those hands.

…_from your chocolate-colored hair, tainted with honey-combs,_

…_from your soulful golden eyes,_

…_from your innocent and sweet smiles,_

…_even from the way you argued with that imp, Gojyo._

_I loved everything about you, Goku… I was just too afraid to admit that to you…and to myself._

"Don't die, Goku," Sanzo pleaded helplessly. "Don't leave me."

"I won't die, Sanzo," came Goku's soft voice. The monk stiffened at the sound of Goku's voice. He dropped his hand and quickly wiped his face dry. The walls, he had to put the walls up. But the way Goku looked at him, through his half-open eyes, his golden irises a sleepy yellow, made his walls stay down.

"I promised that the moment you gave me a second life," Goku said slowly, hand reach up to brush Sanzo's bangs from his eyes. Sanzo, instintictively tried to swat the boy's hands away but restrained himself. Goku smiled at the silent consent, happy the Sanzo seems to be letting his guard down.

"How can you do that with everything I've done to you?" Sanzo asked quietly.

"I knew you were holding back because you were afraid," Goku answered with a smile. "I can see it in your eyes, Sanzo. I can see the fear when ever I come near you. At first, I was confused but Hakkai said that you have issues to answer to…"

_That damn Hakkai, he'll get what's going for him…_

"…so I waited. I didn't know how long but I was prepared to wait forever," Goku said. "Five hundred years isn't that long… as long as I'm with you."

Sanzo sighed and placed a hand on Goku's forehead, brushing the bangs away from his eyes. Goku looked up with those warm golden eyes. Sanzo could feel himself being drawn towards those pools of honey. And before his reasoning could fully stop him from what his body was telling him to do, his lips had touched the bed-ridden boy's. The kiss was soft, chaste and sincere. It was their first step towards each other.

Sanzo was taken aback. He hadn't thought that it would be this pleasurable to feel another being close to him. A hand brushed against his cheek, a loving caress from Goku. Sanzo sighed happily against those rose lips.

"Get some rest, Goku, you need it," Sanzo advised as he pulled back, and was about to lay the boy back down.

"Hold me, Sanzo?" Goku asked quietly. "Hold me like what you did back in the forest…"

"It would be the least I could do for you Goku," Sanzo said slowly as he slid his arms around the boy's waist and hoisted him up to his lap and delicately brought his arms around him in a warm embrace. Goku edged up Sanzo's arms, relishing the warmth radiating from the blonde priest.

"We don't have to let Gojyo and Hakkai know," he reassured Sanzo as he snuggled into his arms.

"Hn," Sanzo agreed and pulled him close.

"Because I think they already know," Goku added sleepily. Sanzo's eyes flew open at the comment and stared down at the boy. He was about to prod the boy more, impulsively reaching for the harisen hidden somewhere in his robe. But when he saw the beautiful sleeping figure in his arms, he decided otherwise.

"Some other time Goku," Sanzo said with a small smile. "We'll have plenty of time now for each other."

_I love you, my little monkey boy…_

**Everybody Hurts 1** Title of a song made by the band REM. This isn't a song fic, I just borrowed that line because I was listening to the song while I was making this fanfic. So please don't sue… hehehe.

**Note: **Well… this is my first shot at one-shot…not really good at it because I like building up things and slowly breaking them down…I will practice it though… Reviews would be really appreciated… thanks Ü


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